In Awe and Wonder, 12/31/12
Acrylic on Paper
My word for 2013 shall be WONDER.
Last year was all about swimming. I was not able to include in my previous entry that I think I swam mostly in order to survive. I did not take as much time to marvel at the world I was in. I was braver, maybe, but not yet as courageous as how the best version of myself could be. I still hid in caves and built walls. I allowed my mind to get trapped in fear and stay locked in prejudices.
The sea once swallowed me. Now I feel like driftwood that has been washed away, and it’s almost like I’ve been asleep half of my life. God has brought me to a new shoreline, and I will explore this island wide-eyed. It is time for my mind and my heart to be awakened by wonder in order to fully live. I will gaze at the sun, my arms outstretched as I reach for the sky… and breathe in a fresh air of possibilities.
In the words of Nico Lang, “I want to wake up every day and be ready to stand silent with awe at what the world has in store— whether those are small miracles, the biggest thing I could ever imagine, or the romances beyond imagination. Because every time I doubt the future, every time I doubt myself, every time I doubt my ability to love and be loved I need to be proven wrong, to renew my faith in myself and in other people. Because I sincerely think that without fearlessly loving, even if it seems silly, pointless or hopeless, life isn’t worth living.”
When ships of strangers arrive, I will not build fences around me but welcome them instead. I will not isolate myself but involve myself more in the wonder of who they are. I will explore this island and share a fire with them. I will dig for treasure with them no matter how deep we must go, and not give up when they tell me to. When I find this treasure, I will not keep it to myself or boast of it but share it to the same strangers who dug with me, and to those who did not believe I could find it.
I am walking into this new year with uncertainty as all of us are, and I am honestly scared to make all these declared and undeclared commitments to myself. I woke up this morning staring at my unfinished entry, thinking if I should continue or forget everything I had written so far. But I got a message from my good friend Isa and she said, “Hope may be the most treacherous of things, but it is also the most essential of things. Hope is why we’re here and why we keep going.”
Our pastor also reminded us, “God believes in us more than we believe in ourselves”. In spite of our shortcomings and disbelief, He still looks at us with wonder and He wants us to continue living in His freedom. I pray He awakens our sense of wonder because it comes with hope, bravery, adventure, discovery, purpose, fulfillment, and many other things. I want to believe that we were made for all of that.
Just as how Robert Frost described a poem, I pray for all of us that this year begins in delight and ends in wisdom. “For God has not given us the spirit of fear (or timidity); but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” -2 Timothy 1:7